Water Rising
by JD11
Summary: So… here I am. In some room… and there’s Sam, just a few feet away. She’s got that look in her eyes. That one I’ve barely ever seen… she’s scarred… and the water’s rising… (Jack, Sam, Pete's POV)
1. Water Rising

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Author's Note: This story is done from Jack's POV. Set a little after 'Heroes' (that just means that it's Colonel O'Neil and Major Carter and Pete exists).

Hope you enjoy and please review.

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Summary: So… here I am. In some room… and there's Sam, just a few feet away. She's got that look in her eyes. That one I've barely ever seen… she's scarred… and the water's rising…

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Rating: PG

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Genre: Angst, a wee bit of Romance, just a wee bit

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Spoilers: Heroes (just a bit)

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Warnings: Charter death

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Water Rising

When I think about death, I've always thought something along the lines of 'heroic'. Dying dramatically in battle, maybe to save someone. Or bravely facing torture to defend Earth. Hell, I've been willing to blow myself up more than once.

Maybe that's why I've never been able to stay retired- I'm just not one to do that while 'growing old' thing. Been there, done that.

But this?

I've done plenty of stupid things in my life; and I've done far too many things I regret. But this would be the biggest.

It's not that this isn't the big, heroic death I'd thought I'd have… it's that I'm dragging someone down with me…

It started out so innocently. I didn't see this coming…

We came through the 'gate to a nice, green planet. Trees. I vaguely remember commenting about all the trees. Why trees? Always trees. I really want to know that. Cool trees, weird trees, not maple and pine trees all the time. The galaxy needs to learn to switch it up a bit.

Right, where was I? Through the 'gate. Right. Um…

There were two paths. Danny wanted to go one way but I said the other. Carter said we should just split up, meet back later. Didn't seem to matter. The MALP and all had said it was a lifeless planet. What the hell, right?

Carter and Daniel went the one way, the way Danny had wanted to go. I should have known right then and there that something would happen.

Daniel has always been a magnet for trouble. Always. And Teal'c and I weren't with him.

It's not like I'm saying it was Carter's fault or that she couldn't handle things. It's just… I don't know. What if Teal'c or I had been there? Would that have changed anything? Probably not…

Damn, can't ever get comfortable. Shoulder still hurts.

You know how people say that just before you die, your life runs before your eyes? Always thought that was a load of BS. I've faced death before- hell, I've died before- and that had never happened.

Then again, for me, I'd never really had the time. It was just a stab of pain and then lights out. Or a moment of panic when I thought I might die.

But all those time I had been too focused on avoiding death…

This time… this time it's laughing me in the face and I can't do a damn thing about it.

So I've had plenty of time to think about the hundreds of failures… and thousands of stupid comments… of SG-1 and the SGC… the stargate and everything to go with it…

…of Charlie… of Sarah… of Sam…

Now I've got plenty of time to think about how I killed Charlie. How I ruined Sarah's life. And now how I'm dragging Carter to her death. It really sucks.

I know I'm going to die… I've thought I was going to die before, but I've never _known_ it was going to happen. Not for sure. This time it's for sure.

Stupid Gou'ald… Stupid Jaffa…

It was just like every other time. Well, almost.

We'd been lead to a large, gold room and up to the Gould's "throne". He made his eyes glow- menacing as it had been years ago, I had to make an effort to not roll my eyes- and he said flat out, as blunt as he could, "Kill them."

Now I've heard that before. Some Gould would come in, waving his flashy cape and all his gold things, glowing his eyes and saying all sorts of things: "insolent buggers!" (or something along those lines) and "how dare you defy a god!" and so on and on and on. They'd claim many times that they'd kill us. Never happened before.

But that time, when I heard his words, a chill ran down my spine. Maybe it had happened before. Maybe I felt like that every time, I would just forget it in the fight for survival.

But this time I can't figure a way out. There's no Teal'c to be the rock he always is. No Daniel to… to do something. Just Carter and me.

No one's coming this time…

He'd- what was his name again? Kren? Or Kreen? Or… well something stupid. Anyway he'd had us brought here. This prison.

Um… right, so we're in this room. I had thought we were going to be killed on the spot. Execution style. A quick staff blast to the head. Maybe two zat shots. Bit more painful but cleaner. A second and we'd be…

A third and… well…

Anyways, I'd been standing in this room all of about three minutes trying to figure out how- and when- they were going to kill us. As I said, it took three minutes and then I knew.

It wasn't hard to figure it out. He- the Gou'ald what's-his-name- was going to do it the long, drawn out way. He was going to let us sweat a little.

Carter had been the first to notice. She had been checking over the room, for ways out I guess. Guess I had been more occupied with how it was going to happen.

The noise caught my attention- yeah, that's when I noticed. She had said something- 'sir!' (qawd, I hate that word)- and I turned around. That's when I heard the sound. That's when I figured out how I was going to die.

I wasn't going to have my heroic death. No, he- the Gould again- wasn't going to give us a death at his feet. He wasn't even going to be bothered with torture and other such devices. He wasn't going to kill our minds slowly. His Jaffa couldn't even have good enough aim to kill us on the battlefield.

No, that would have been too easy. Too good of a death for him- the Gould.

So he was going to kill us like this. Slowly…

Slowly, yeah. It's not that we're _dying_ slowly, it's just a long wait for the inevitable.

Makes me wonder though, how slow a death it can be when you're hit with a staff blast. A zat is instant. You're dead before you know it and nothing can save you- except a sarcophagus, but what're the chances of that?

They tell me Janet died almost instantly. One quick, clean shot to the chest and she was just... just gone. But the man- damn, what was his name- if we hadn't gotten there… if Janet hadn't been there… he would have died slowly. He would have been there for a few hours in pain before…

Okay, stop it Jack. You're going to make yourself cry. Not about Janet… you've shed your tears for her. No…

She's sitting across from me, huddled on the other bench. They're not very wide, annoyingly enough. Sitting on them was a chore enough with your feet on the ground. Not long enough to really lie on either.

Her arms are wrapped around her knees and she's watching her hands. I'm watching her face.

Now my second in command has been, since day one, a solid rock by my side. She's been there for me, and I hope that I've returned that well enough. Carter has been the fearless, relentless military Captain and Major. She's been a good friend, been there when I needed her. And I've tried over the years to do the same.

But I'm sitting here watching her and I don't see Major Carter. I don't even just see Carter- the scientist, the friend, the person I joke with. I see Sam. I see a woman contemplating death.

There are so many things I'm seeing in her face… all of her military training never really prepared her for this. Mine neither.

I wonder what she's thinking about. Her dad I bet. He'll hear of it eventually. Whenever the Tok'ra come to Earth or Earth finds them, he'll hear about Carter being MIA. Maybe by then we'll be presumed dead. There'll be nothing for him to bury…

Jacob and Carter mentioned her brother- M… something. She's probably thinking about him too. I think he had kids, a wife. I don't know how close she was to them, but I know she's thinking about them.

Her mom… Her mom died when she was young, but she's got to be thinking about her too. Maybe- I don't know- she's thinking about seeing her in Heaven.

Any chance I passed through her thoughts in the past hours? I don't know… the whole za'tarc- whatever- thing was years ago. She can't still feel the same way…

I do. But why would she? There's… what's-his-name now. P… Pe… Pat? … P…

Oh yeah… Pete. I bet she's been thinking about him. Not me, but Pete. Wonder how they'll tell him about her. Will they know to say something to him? She's missing in action. He'll ask how that can be? She works in a damn mountain! Did she get lost in the basement!

I could hear myself let out a chuckle at that.

And suddenly I'm staring into her eyes. She had such wonderfully blue eyes. Dark blue. Crystal blue.

A blush crept into her cheeks. Did I embarrass her? No…

One of her eyebrows rose. Her lip is tugged into a smirk. But her eyes aren't smiling- they're far more beautiful when she's really smiling. She's not upset that I was looking at her, rather she seems amused. Or trying to be.

I drop my gaze first. But then I look back up. I don't want to look at the floor…

The ceiling is much nicer. Yeah… bright lights. A little gold, a little purple- why is it always gold and purple? Who the hell designed these things?

Well… this is fun. Waiting for your death. It'll be hours. It's already been hours. There are still quite a few to go.

Yeah…

Can't believe it all started so stupidly…

Daniel just wanted to go down the damn right path. Why couldn't he have just gone left with me? Why couldn't he have just done what I said for once!

But he had to go down the right path. He had to. I had a bad feeling but I didn't listen. Why didn't I listen? I…

Alright, come on. No crying in front of Carter. I don't think she can see me rubbing my eyes. Hope not…

I hope… I hope she doesn't feel like it's her fault. Because it's not. I should have gone with Daniel. Or I should have been more forceful. I should have listened to my gut, I should have. She did everything she could have…

Gawd, her voice… she had been terrified. I've heard Carter nervous and anxious and a variety of things, but I've never heard that tone. Never heard how scared she had been.

And Daniel… my stomach had dropped so fast. It frickin' hurt when she said those three words- "Daniel's been hit!".

Daniel was hit. I knew something was going to go wrong. I knew it… I just didn't know that there were Jaffa down that right path.

You could hear it over the radio. In those four seconds it took for her to say that, I knew hundreds of things. Daniel was hurt, Carter was the only thing to defend the two of them, Jaffa were attacking- or at least I could heard staff blasts… and most of all, I knew she was scared. No, not scared, petrified. She was petrified. And she was hurting. Daniel was hurt, and she was scared.

We'd gotten there as fast as we could. Teal'c and I. We ran- I nearly tripped over all the roots and brush. But I ran. I ran faster than I'd thought I ever could. Because of Sam's voice and because Daniel was hit.

I didn't even see a thing- not Daniel, not Carter, and not the Jaffa- but I could heard the staff blasts. A second later, I could felt the blasts and I could see them. Some were coming right for us. Strays maybe…

I still couldn't see who was firing- I could hear it all, Carter's gun and the staff weapons- but I still couldn't see them… and Teal'c just fell. Just like that. He fell.

I had to skid to a stop. I practically circled around him.

I'd been in battles and skirmishes and so forth with the guy for years. Years and years… he'd been hit before. Yeah, hit but he'd never fallen. Never like that. I mean… he just fell…

I rolled the big guy over but… but he was unconscious… I don't even remember if I felt for a pulse. I don't… I don't know if he was breathing or anything… because that was when I heard Carter's voice.

'Sir' again. That's what she said. Teal'c was unconscious, Daniel was hit, and I was just kneeling there… and she was still calling me 'sir'.

I ran over to her, jumped behind the shelter she'd found. But there wasn't a chance for us. I couldn't see how many there were… dozens, it must have been… but I knew there wasn't a fight. She'd held out, but… but it was for nothing…

…so… here I am. In some room… and there's Sam, just a few feet away. She's got that look in her eyes. That one I've barely ever seen… she scarred… and the water's rising…

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And that's all I wrote… no more. Sorry…

So how did you like? Kind of sad… but look at it this way: I never _said_ that anyone was dead.

Please leave a review; I love when people talk at me. Thanks for reading.


	2. Not Like This

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Author's Note: Well… here it is. I wasn't going to do it and I fought it… but I just had to do it. It sounded like a nice challenge. I was a little disappointed in that I wanted it to be just like the last chapter, but that didn't happen. This one has more dialogue. But I still liked it; I think it works.

But here it is. This time it's in Sam's POV.

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Summary: So… do I believe it? That He planned this… Not for me to be here, in the Colonel's arms. Plan to be looking in his eyes. So many times I've looked… but not like this… not this way…

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Not This Way

There are days… the bad days… when I wish I had said no. When I wish that I had just sat in my office and stayed there. Just keep picking apart what little we knew about the stargate.

Oh, I know that after the first teams went through I would have been moved to something like NID. Or maybe Area 51 if I hadn't been put on SG-1.

But maybe that would have been better.

There are days… good and bad… that I look across the street at any passing person, the woman walking her dog in the street, the children playing in the park, the old men who meet every Thursday in the park to play chess… I look at them and I am jealous…

I want to be the ignorant person I once was. There are days that I really just don't want to know what's out there. I just don't want to know about the parasitical creates that kill and enslave humans… I don't want to know about the hundreds and thousands dying from this thing and that… I don't want to know how many times Earth was almost destroyed… I don't want to know what it feels like to almost die… to die…

I look at these people and think, 'how lucky they are'.

Then… on really bad days… on days like this… there's always something. Someone will always manage to say something to me or around me that just makes me… makes me want to turn around and slap something in their face…

I just want to be able to yell to the entire world- not that the majority of the population would understand because they don't speak English- 'Hey! There are aliens out there! And they're real, and they're coming. They've already attacked! You just don't know!'

Other times… no, it was once when I was talking to Mark… his wife said something… she made some crack about 'Deep Space Radar Telemetry' wasn't real "space work"- her brother is an astronaut or something. Works with NASA.

Oh, it's moments like that that I just want to say, 'Really? And what's "real space work"? Punching numbers for a shuttle that's not going to fly again? That will orbit a few times and, if you're real lucky, you can stay on a space station for a few months so you can come down and break a bone? Sounds like fun!'

Those are the times I want to be able to say what I've done. What I've risked… what I've lost…

What I've lost… I've lost a lot… haven't gained too much either…

I gained friends… and then I lost them…

…I lost them…

"Hey, Sammie?"

Oh, didn't even hear him open the door. "Huh?"

"You okay?"

What? Am I a walking billboard? Do I have big, neon letters stamped on my forehead saying, 'Having a bad day. Maybe you should ask stupid questions and make it all better'.

Oh… that look. The 'I don't believe you, but I'll pretend that I do even though I so know you know that' look. I hate that look. I'm not a fragile woman.

He's walking on eggshells.

Maybe just nodding isn't going to help. He might want reassurances that I actually have a voice…

"I'm fine, Pete. Really."

"Okay. If you're sure."

Nodding again… whatever… he's going back inside…

"Oh, um," okay, so he's back, "You want anything? Something to drink or something?"

Now you're shaking your head. "No thanks." There's the voice… knew it was in there somewhere.

"Alright."

He's really in this time… okay…

I don't know... the thing is … is that when the Colonel and I were captured, I spent so little time thinking about him. I thought about him, sure...

I thought about what they would say… would they tell him anything? Well, of course they would since he knows about it all… They'd have him on record and all… I guess they would tell him…

But, thinking about it now, my mind always seemed to wander back to one thing: Colonel O'Neil. Not Pete, not dad or Mark… but the Colonel.

"Um, Sammie?" I don't know why he always calls me that. That's my dad's name for me. I never really said he could use it.

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking beer and steaks tonight. Sound good?"

I just give a small smile. It's forced, but I don't think he noticed. No, he doesn't seem to have.

Oh, I'm nodding again. Got the physical action going, good job. Now move the mouth, stretch the vocal cords… whatever, he seems to be taking that as an answer… I hope he asked a question. Yeah, wait, what did he say?

Whatever…

Maybe I should be trying harder with Pete. I mean, he's been so good these past days. Came up just to be with me. It's sweet and I really appreciate it…

It's just… just that… I don't know, I kind of want to be alone. Or… he wants me to talk to him about it. I just don't want to.

Besides, how could he understand? He wasn't there. He's never gone through something like that. He's a cop, yeah. He's seen stuff… but not what I've seen…

Sometimes it's even hard convincing yourself to tell the General. Yes, General Hammond has been through a lot and has seen a lot. I'm not denying that he's experienced.

Hell, he's even gone through the stargate a few times, which is more than most of the population of Earth can say…

But… but he's never been there. He isn't one of the other SG members that have your back in a firefight… he isn't one of the doctors who risk their lives to save yours… isn't even a scientist who goes out there without much military training…

He just is. And sometimes that doesn't feel good enough to be sharing certain moments.

Especially the last one… the General's lost friends, I'm sure… but I just don't know if I can say he's lost friends like I did…

… being on a SG team is different than being out there- no, being in combat on Earth… an SG team walks through the 'gate with only the others to protect them. You trust those people with your life. You train with them, work with them, hang with them after work…

Yeah, you're like that in normal military situations but… I don't know. This is just different…

General Hammond bonds with us but not the way we do with each other. He has to remain separate. He can't afford to become too attached to anyone. Can't afford to be too close and feel too connected to everyone. That just is…

But to talk about it… I couldn't do it. He didn't make us. He said write it down when we could. Write what we were able. That would be all he needed. And I'm thankful for that…

Actually, I've spent all this time just starring at the screen. Nothing wants to come out- no, a lot of things come to mind, but I can't write them.

Other times I don't want to go near the computer. I don't _want_ to write my report. I don't _want_ to think about it…

That young man over there… he writes a lot. I haven't seen him before, but that's not saying much. I don't spend too much time at home. Not as much as I should. But I've noticed him sitting, writing, lately. That's all he ever does.

He sits on his porch and writes. He sits in the grass and writes. He was lying under the tree… writing. And, one day, he was sitting on the porch steps watching- his sisters? daughters? babysitting?- and he was drawling them.

He seems like an interesting young man. Educated. Probably going to college right now. Probably feels very smart, very knowledgeable about the on-goings of the world.

Probably right… that is, he would be if there wasn't all the other worlds out there. All the things that happened to _this_ world just outside of it…

What's a car doing on this road? No one comes down it… not unless they're lost or live here…

Oh, looks like Jim's car.

Jim… a weird man but a good neighbor to have around. He's always watering my plants and yard whenever I'm gone. Keeps an eye on the mail for me. Thankfully he doesn't ask much about where I go…

Actually, I've never asked him to do all that… weird man…

Well it's probably polite to say hello… wait that's not Jim.

Oh my gawd… "Colonel?" What's he doing here?

"Oh, hey, Carter."

Hmm, sounds surprised to see me. It's only my house… maybe he had hoped to stand outside for a few hours. Scary thing is that Jim would have called me by then to tell me there was a strange man at my door…

… weird man…

"What's so funny?"

"What?" Was I laughing? "Nothing."

Oh, I should like stand up or something. Just slightly _too_ casual sitting here on my comfy swing. "What are you doing here, sir?" Good question. Glad something's thinking, my brain sure isn't.

"Oh… uh…" Well, that makes two of us. Should I rescue him? Naw, I love watching him squirm… "Well I was just… driving and somehow ended up out here. And I thought, 'Hey, Carter lives around here. Why don't I drop by?'"

"Really?" I'm smiling. Gawd I haven't smile since… well, now I'm not smiling. "Oh, um, pull up a seat then."

"Well thank-you."

But I get the swing. Not as comfortable like this but… okay he can sit on the swing too… if he wants. Oh, stop staring. He'll get up. Okay, stare at hands. That always works.

"So…" One would start to think I start all sentences like that when I'm with the Colonel.

"So…"

"What really brought you here?"

"I told you, Carter." He's smirking. And his upper lip is twitching. He's so lying.

"Yeah, right. Just happened to drive the hour out this way."

"Is it really an hour?"

I'm smiling again. It feels good.

Gawd, I missed him. We haven't seen each other- we haven't been on the base- for almost a week. Just a week? Feels longer… I can't believe that I missed him this much…

"Yes, sir."

'Sir'. Whoever came up with that word should be shot. Well, they're probably already dead… But 'sir'? Why do we always come back to that? It's like my subconscious is trying every second we're together to remind me that he's unattainable...

Okay, break the silence. Break the silence…

"So… been fishing this week?"

"A little. Yeah. I just came back."

"Oh… catch anything?"

He's smiling… he so doesn't have any fish in his pond. So doesn't. "Not much."

"Too bad."

"Yeah…"

Okay, something else… ah…

"So what have you been doing?"

What? "Oh, um… trying to stay sane without any work." He's smiling. Yes, go ahead, think 'workaholic' or whatever. I know, I know. "Yeah, Pete's been around. Keeping me occupied-" what's that look for-? "Not like that. Mind out of the gutter, sir."

'Sir' again…

Now what's that look for… oh shit, shouldn't have mentioned Pete. Just don't leave… don't leave…

"He's not around now is he, because I don't want to be-"

"No," wait… oh crap, Pete's still here isn't he? Um… "I mean, he's here. But you're not… invading or anything."

He's not as relaxed as he had been before. Tenser. Why did I bring up Pete?

… how did I forget about Pete? … alright, alright. Stupid question. I know.

"So…"

"So…"

Again with the 'so's. We have to expand our vocabulary… nope, nothing's coming to mind.

He's clearing his throat. Uhoh, that can't be good. Means he's actually going to be serious for a moment.

"Uh, Carter… you know I… I really came here to see how you were doing."

Nod, Sam, nod. Good job. "Yeah, figured as much." Now would be a time to add in the 'I'm fine. Doing good.'

Oh why bother? He asks, I answer with that, he gives me that look saying 'I don't buy it', and spends the rest of the day with an eye on me. He always knows… I just don't feel like it this time.

"So how _are_ you doing?"

I'm fine. I'm fine!… okay, no I'm not…

Gawd, I just want to collapse into his arms and cry… I haven't cried. I should, I know I should. It's not like I've stopped myself. Well, I just haven't thought about it.

And now… now he's right there. He's there and it's all I can think about…

He has such gentle eyes. Even after all he's seen. After all he's done. They're still so soft, so beautiful…

Daniel's eyes were the same. Gentle… Alive with knowledge and youth…

I shouldn't look at them… it'll bring back the memory… Daniel's eyes just stared at the sky… they never closed…

His arms are so warm. When did that happen?

"Are you okay?"

He's whispering into my ear. My god I don't believe this is happening. It can't be…

"Not really."

"Me neither."

He sighed. His breath is so warm. No, don't cry… don't cry… not in front of him… "Hey, hey. No crying around me."

I'm laughing. I don't know why but I am. He has that way about him. Damn this man… always knows exactly what to say and when to say it to make me feel better.

Makes me feel better for a while but not forever. At some point I always start thinking again… and then I'll start to think about…

Think about what I thought about. What I was thinking about in that cell… the Colonel.

That's was I was thinking about. How, out of the few regrets I had, it was that nothing ever happened. That we never got to see if anything would…

I wasn't thinking about Pete and how I would regret not saying good-bye or seeing how it would end.

No, I was thinking about the Colonel…

I was going to say something, but I couldn't. Kept looking, opening my mouth to say something, but I never did.

My eyes would always drift away. They would always find the water. An odd way to kill someone… nothing I ever thought a Gou'ald would do. Just didn't seem in character. I wanted to keep thinking, 'he won't do it, he's just trying to scare us. It'll stop soon.' But it kept rising…

Rising… five hours or something and it was… it was lapping over the benches.

I was kneeling on the bench by then. My legs were soaked. I almost walked across… almost. I'd been thinking about it. Keep looking. Keep thinking that I was already wet, what did it matter?

But I didn't. Somewhere in me I wanted to believe that we'd get out. And we did…

But I wanted to just go over. To just give up… and walk over there… I don't really know what I would have done once I was there. But I was going to go…

But then the oddest thing happened: the water stopped rising. I didn't notice at first. It had been rising slowly, you couldn't really tell if you were watching.

But it was the… the noise, it just stopped. Some kind of pump or something. It had stopped…

But then it started back up.

But the water didn't keep rising. It was being pumped back up.

We didn't know what to think… I didn't know. At first I wanted to say that I was right and the Gou'ald was doing it to scare us. It just didn't make sense…

The water was gone in a matter of minutes. There was just a small amount on the floor… we stood up… the water splashed under our feet. For some reason I remember that…

His hands are so soft, so warm…

What-? When did I start crying? Must be from thinking about it…

He really does have gorgeous eyes. When did we move so close?

I should look away. Close my eyes. Good brain, you are doing something…

I can't look at his eyes. It's not the memory any more… now it's just that, if my eyes stay open, I'll see how close we are. I don't- no, I can't see that…

I'd been thinking about it some over the past few days… thinking that… well maybe it all would have been easier to just let us die there.

We wouldn't be here… wouldn't be in pain, grieving… if the Tok'ra would have just let us stay there a few more hours… had he not intervened… it would have been easier…

I want to believe that there's a god and that He has a plan for us all. I want to believe that it just wasn't time for us… but over the past few years, that's becoming harder and harder to believe…

So… do I believe it? That He planned this… Not for me to be here, in the Colonel's arms. Plan to be looking in his eyes. So many times I've looked… but not like this… not this way…

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So there you have it. Actually it was a lot of fun to write this one.

So thanks to you all…

Keep tuned in and I'll have the third and **_final_** chapter uploaded. I know ya'll didn't ask for it (you just finished this one for cryin' out loud) but I thought of it in the middle of writing this one. You can just guess what it's about (I'll give you a hint: it's from Pete's POV)

I hope you liked it. Please review. Thanks.


	3. Inside World

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Author's Note: This one's short and sweet (very short). I actually started to feel a little bad for the guy at the end… almost…

As I said at the end of the last chapter, this one is from Pete's POV. Let your minds just piece that one together…

So, yeah, I hope you like it. I kept it short just in case, you know if you started to get bored of Pete. But give it a shot. Kinda nice to write from the other side for once. Please review, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

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Summary: So… what do I think? Is she in love? … with him? I don't know. Don't know if I really care if she is or not. Is she in love with me? … sometimes… not in the "inside world"…

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Inside World

I'm no idiot. I know why Sam doesn't want to talk to me about what happened… for the same reason she doesn't talk to me about anything else that happens.

It's not a national security thing- she says something like that sometimes…

But it's not that. I'm her "outside world"…

Sam has two worlds. I got that... I'm cool with that…

She has me, this house, and everything that goes with that. That's her "outside world".

And then there is the "inside world". That's the stargate and the mountain. That's honestly the big part of her life. The part her mind is always focused on. Always on what's going on in there- in that world…

I think sometimes that I'm just her way to clear her mind. That's why she never talks to me about that stuff… that's not what her "outside world" is for…

I can only imagine what she sees and does everyday. Can only pretend to understand the few things we do talk about.

Maybe that's why she clings to the last fragments of a "normal" life- she wants to be able to pretend to be as ignorant as everyone else.

"Sa-" Oh, well… that's unexpected…

Okay, I'm getting out of here. They haven't noticed me yet…

Yeah, lucky for me they haven't; I'm just standing here gawking at them.

… who was that? …

That was, um… Colonel… O'Neil…

Colonel O'Neil… I think.

Sam's always starts to talk about him. But she always drops out and stops talking when he comes in.

I've never pretended not to notice that the SGC held her attention far easier than I ever could- not to myself anyway.

But I never really knew what appeal she saw in working under a mountain. I guess I know now…

Should have seen this coming…

Someone was always there. I've always just been the "outside world" guy and he's the "inside world" one.

He's out there right now, talking to her. She's telling him the things she never tells me. She's crying on his shoulder… I offered mine. She didn't want it…

Her eyes have always been haunted. I could see it the first time we met. It disappears though… when she smiles, you can't see it. Can't see the shadows of guilt and loss in them.

I think that was something that drew me to her. I had to know the story…

She'd talked briefly about her mother- I knew it couldn't completely be that.

There was her job. Of course at first that didn't make sense. I knew she kept secrets… I just didn't know what kind or how many…

Now I know there are dozens of many different kinds.

She doesn't want to talk about all the things that haunt her. I understand that. There are things I don't want to talk about…

But are hers worse? She'd say they are. Others probably would. I'm a cop. She's an inter-galactic hero.

But how can you really weigh bad things? …

She didn't want to talk about it. She wouldn't eat- she didn't refuse if I made her something. She just wouldn't go the effort herself.

Sam claimed that she forgot or "was it lunchtime already?".

I don't know. Think sometimes, if I wasn't here, she wouldn't have eaten at all. Maybe she would have gotten around to it… then again, maybe things were just that bad…

I tried to get her to talk a few nights ago. Had asked her what happened. But she shrugged- sort of- and mumbled something about not wanting to talk.

I told her we had to talk. She told me she wanted to be left alone. I stayed downstairs that night.

The next morning she had said something briefly about a funeral- it was in a few days. Tomorrow or something I think.

I know her friend had died just a few months ago. It had killed her… oh, she had bounced back well, sure. But I saw how she had been those couple of nights.

She didn't cry- not around me. That's not how she is. But I know she cried.

If she lost another friend- God forbid friends- it must be killing her. She had been more open last time- I at least know how her doctor friend had died. Saving a man. A noble death, yeah. But still a death.

But what could have happened?

What would put her into a shell like this?

She won't talk, barely eats… everything else is almost routine. Just habitual things she does on autopilot…

I'd wanted to surprise her. She had sounded… I don't know, but it wasn't well.

I thought seeing me would brighten her up- at least a bit. Honestly, she had seemed shocked… flabbergasted… and then… just lost interest.

I wonder what's going on out there. What they're talking about.

I wish I knew. I wish she'd tell me about some of this "inside world". Introduce me to these friends of hers.

She talked so highly of her doctor friend- Janet, maybe? _I_ was upset to find out that she was dead. And I never even met her.

And this Daniel… she says so much about him.

And, well, Teal… or something… she talks about him. But not half as much. It sounds to me that there's not really much to say. He's an alien. A good man. That's all I know…

And then there's 'the Colonel'. That's what she always calls him. Always. That is, that's what she always calls him if she manages to say much about him. He fishes- that I recall.

She really doesn't say much about him. In retrospect, that's starting to scare me.

I'd thought at first that she might have been attracted to Daniel. Silly, right? She talked about him so often and so much… what's a guy supposed to think? The one time I had met him, he seemed out of it. Kinda was hoping that he was gay or something.

But, unfortunately, looking at it now, I don't think she ever had a crush on him. Well, when they first met, I don't know. But now… no, don't think so.

Now I know who she has really liked all along… 'the Colonel'.

Who doesn't she talk about? … 'the Colonel'. It's like she's trying to keep from bringing him up so that she never has to think about how much more she likes him. Or that she doesn't want me to even know him so that I can never get jealous of him.

Who is the one she's talking to now? … 'the Colonel'. She trusts him more. She thinks- no, knows- that he can relate better. But can he make her feel better? Will he be there to comfort her? … I don't really know.

Who's the one she's out there with now? Who's shoulder is she crying on? … 'the Colonel'…

So… what do I think? Is she in love? … with him? I don't know. Don't know if I really care if she is or not. Is she in love with me? … sometimes… not in the "inside world"…

* * *

Well, that's all. The end of this little POV series.

It was a lot of fun to write and I hope that you really liked it.

Please review and tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading! Love ya all!


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